


Highly Responsive to Angry Keysmashes

by Mimic_Teruyo



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Crack, F/F, Fluff, Technology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29970105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimic_Teruyo/pseuds/Mimic_Teruyo
Summary: Reimu matches her wits against a fearsome shikigami and wins a special prize.
Relationships: Hakurei Reimu/Yakumo Yukari
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	Highly Responsive to Angry Keysmashes

**Author's Note:**

> With special thanks to Gravity Saix

Initialising...

Shikigami Gensonet Version 0.8.9.2  
(c) 1989 Sukima Interactice  
\-----------------  
| ☆ Gensonet ☆ |  
\-----------------

Type 'log' to review the latest updates, or 'log_in' to initialise the log in process.

> log

Update Log

0.8.9.2 (7239 days ago)

    Fixed wormhole bug: ensured that the exploit is permanently off the table. (Don't toy with the border again, children. I know where you live. ❤ - admin)  
Added minigame. Type 'tsuchinoko' after logging in to play.

0.8.9.1 (7240 days ago)

    Fixed vortex bug.

0.8.9.0 (12892 days ago)

    System overhaul:

    Implemented Yukaricode.  
Added hermit_advice and additional admin commands.  
Fixed parallel dimension degradation bug.  
Added more hearts. ❤

For the full update log, type 'history'. Otherwise, proceed to log-in.

> okay now what

Unknown Command Error

> reimu

Unknown Command Error

> reimu hakurei

Unknown Command Error

> how does this stupid thing work?

Unknown Command Error

> yukari, the next time i see you i'm going to take this shikigami and shove it up your nose

To view the list of registered users, type 'users'. (Feel free to try that ❤ - Yukari)

> users

LIST OF USERS FOUND ON GENSONET:

    admin  
Ibukiyeah!  
ghost-in-the-shell  
div_inity  
rhakurei

> wait why is suika a user here

Unknown Command Error

> log_in

Please enter your username.

> rhakurei

Please enter password or cancel out by typing 'cancel'.

> rhakurei

Incorrect password! Please enter password or cancel out by typing 'cancel'

> how am i supposed to know which stupid password you assigned to me?!

Password correct!  
Logging in...  
Initialising...

Welcome, Reimu! It's been NaN days since you lasted logged in.  
For a list of commands, type 'help'.  
For a list of commands intended specifically for the Hakurei shrine maiden, type the magic word.

> the magic word

It's cute how literal you can get.

> go boil your head

I might try that later. It sounds refreshing.

> help

AVAILABLE COMMANDS:

    dir, hermit_advice, local_weather, log, pretty_please, selfdestruct, snack_recommendations, spoilers, tsuchinoko, xyzzy

> oh for crying out loud

Unknown Command Error

> selfdestruct

WARNING! Proceeding with this procedure will transport a tangerine-sized bomb within your gut, which will then explode 15 seconds after insertion. Do you wish to proceed? (y/n)

> n

Awaiting further command.

> pretty_please

A sufficiently polite shrine maiden detected. However, that was not the magic word! ❤

> ???

Confused Shrine Maiden Error (it's 'xyzzy', you silly girl)

> xyzzy

Miko Mode enabled!  
AVAILABLE SPECIAL COMMANDS:

    extremely_local_weather, money, read_this_last, threat_assessment

> read_this_last

I know you have better reading comprehension than this.

> money

The financial situation of the Hakurei shrine today is:   
REGRETTABLE

> what else is new

Unknown Command Error

> yukari, i know you're watching this somehow and are probably giggling into your fan right about now. is there some point to me playing around with this shikigami besides your sick amusement?

Out of Cheese Error. Redo From Start

> threat_assessment

Compiling...  
Gensonet predicts 1 serious, 5 medium, and 1074 minor threats to the safety of Gensokyo.  
Select a category for further assessment or type exit to leave the threat assessment mode.

> serious

Compiling serious threats...  
1\. Approaching Incident (medium severity, heightened zaniness)  
Description: an incident caused by a meddling goddess, aided by equally meddling youkai. Liable to disrupt the integrity of all solid substances within Gensokyo, as well as Reimu's snack time.  
Recommendations: a direct punch to the main offender's nose should do the trick.  
ETA: 74 ½ hours

> is that seventy-four and a half hours, or seventy-four half-hours?

Unknown Command Error

> exit

Awaiting further command.

> extremely_local_weather

The weather directly above the Hakurei Shrine is:  
SUNNY (be glad it's not meteorites)

>read_this_last

It seems you have done your due diligence. Nice work!☆   
As a reward, you have now been volunteered to participate in a special questionnaire! 

> get lost

There is a further reward to those who finish the questionnaire.

> fine

Questionnaire begin! ❤  
Do you know what day it is today? (y/n)

> y

Did you think I would forget the date? (y/n)

> n

What did you think I would do to mark the occasion? (Answer in full sentences, please.)

> i figured you wouldn't care much. i don't. it's really just a day like any other.

Your answers have been recorded.  
You have completed the questionnaire! Would you like to view the results? (y/n)

> y

Computing...

Dear Reimu,

Well done. I knew you would make it here. 

You can now promptly forget all you have learned in the process of reaching this message. The kind of technology this shikigami represents is becoming more viable for use here, but only for as long as its bones are formed from fantasy. This particular shikigami will be gone from the shrine by tomorrow, with the border between science and superstition firmly re-established. I promise. ❤

Knowing that you're reading this proves what I already knew about you. That in spite of your many, many flaws, which I will gladly enumerate at your request, you have the grit and resourcefulness necessary to perform well at your job. 

I have known many other shrine maidens before you, and will know many more after you are gone. Even so, you are one of a kind. You are very dear to me.

I know you are frowning. The usual response to compliments is a blush and a demurral, you know. But you wouldn't be you without your sour temperament.

(Besides, I know how tender-hearted you can really be. ❤)

In the end, there are only two things that need to be said. The second I will say in person. The first is simple enough.

Happy birthday.

Yours,   
truly,  
Yukari

_P.S. Behind you._

Reimu turned to face nothing. When she turned back, a familiar face had inserted itself between her and the bulky box called a 'monitor'.

Yukari smiled from within the gap as though she was a portrait that had spontaneously manifested out of thin air. Only, portraits didn't usually reach out and touch the hair of those observing them. "Good work."

Reimu pulled herself free and rolled her eyes. "Very funny."

The gap closed as Yukari stepped into the room. She tiptoed around Reimu before seating herself next to her on the floor. 

"How did you enjoy the first of your gifts?" 

"Was that upcoming incident real?"

"I'm afraid so. Not that it's anything you can't handle."

"But somehow, even though you know about it and the culprits in advance, you can't just go and prevent it from happening in the first place?"

"Trust me. Doing it this way is _far_ more entertaining." Yukari ignored Reimu's glare and smiled. "Would you like the rest of your presents now? And your prize for finishing the questionnaire?"

"Presents plural?"

"Three altogether. To match the number of major incidents you have managed to solve over the past twelve months."

Reimu groaned. "It felt like five times as many months as that."

"In other words, you understand my decision to sleep through five sixths of the previous year." Yukari leaned against Reimu. "The remaining gifts are waiting on your porch."

Reimu perked up. "Food?"

"Food. And plenty of it."

Reimu shot to her feet and hurried outside. After ascertaining that Yukari was indeed telling the truth, and that the gifts plural were all also quite large, she returned with a contended sigh.

Yukari waited until Reimu had sat down again. "I assume you're pleased."

"This is the best day of the year so far," Reimu said in perfect sincerity.

"Aren't you going to ask about the special reward?"

"I can guess what it is."

It appeared that she had guessed correctly. At least, it didn't come as a surprise when Yukari cupped Reimu's cheek and directed her gaze to meet hers. Yukari's eyes were presently a greyish blue, the colour of Misty Lake immersed in morning fog. As Reimu looked on, the irises darkened to the fathomless deep blue of an evening sky. 

Yukari was no longer smiling. Instead, she appeared deep in thought, stroking Reimu's cheek in an almost absent gesture.

And since Reimu could see where this was going, but also that Yukari just might lose herself in her contemplation and forget to act until a later time, she decided to make her move. She darted forward like a small bird dashing into flight and locked her lips with Yukari's.

Yukari's eyes widened. Slowly, the night sky in them melted into meadow green, then vanished altogether as Yukari closed her eyes and responded to the kiss.

When they parted, Yukari looked as flustered as Reimu had ever seen her. Even her smile didn't seem quite as smug as usual. "I thought I was the one supposed to give you a gift."

Reimu smiled back. Her cheeks were warm, but it was cosy feeling akin to sitting by a fire during harsh winter. "You'll just have to think of another reward to give me instead." 

And when Yukari's gaze softened, her eyes shifting to sunny yellow, and she reached for Reimu's hands and brought their foreheads together, Reimu began to consider the possibility that birthdays might mean something special after all.


End file.
